Tag Archives: family

In the Blink of an Eye

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As I sit here on the front porch on my rocking chair this morning with the early summer breeze rustling the trees, I ache for my children’s childhoods, for the years and days gone by so quickly.  My body, my heart yearns for one of them to jump up on my lap and cuddle, to carry one of them on my hip with their arms wrapped around my neck.  How did those days pass so swiftly?  They seem so long ago.  In the blink of an eye they became sweet, tender memories.

            We live each day so caught up with just daily living and all the things that need/have to be done that we tend to just gloss over those moments, the moments that form the precious memories in our hearts, the pictures in our minds that we will carry with us into our golden years and will reflect back upon on silent days, alone, in the quiet.

            The reality is the laughter, the bickering, the constant motion, the games, the meals, frisbees being tossed around in the yard, the tornado stricken house in disarray, the celebrations, the tears, but all of those things mean that they are here, with us.  They fill our lives with madness but also with joy, with the frustrations but also with smiles.  They are here.  But someday, much too soon, they won’t be.  They will move on with their own journeys, forging their ways in this world.  They will call.  They will come to visit.  But they will not be here forever.  What will I do when my hearts aren’t here?  One has already left home and I still ache for his daily, wonderful, strong hugs, his smile, each and every day.  I understand the circle of life and appreciate its reality but it is also a painful circle.  On days like today, I am not a fan of that reality.  The sand in the hourglass is in too much of a hurry for my liking. 

me and the kids

© 2016 therealityofraisingafamily. All rights reserved.

Proud Momma

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Last night was the end of year band banquet and awards at our triplets high school.  We got the official word that TJ will be one of the three drum majors for the marching band this fall and Meghan will be the flute section leader and Topher will be the tuba section leader!!!  So excited for them and super proud!  I guess that means Friday nights this fall will find us in the stands at the games for the half time shows.  Whoohooo!  That’s what football is for anyway, right?  The half time shows performed by the marching bands.  Lol. 

A Talented Trio-Kane Kubed

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A Talented Trio-Kane Kubed

If you have read my About My Family page, you are aware the three of my five children are triplets.  What you don’t know is that they are incredibly talented and gifted musicians.  They have been playing their respective instruments since 6th grade (they are finishing up their sophomore year in high school in the next week and a half).  Meghan plays the flute; Topher plays the tuba; TJ plays the saxophone (well, actually, he plays the soprano, alto and tenor saxophones).  They all play in their high school’s honors symphonic band and the marching band.  This fall TJ will be one of the three drum majors and Meghan and Topher will be section leaders in the marching band.  All three were in the North Carolina All State Honors Band this Spring.  In 8th grade, their middle school honors band performed on stage at Carnegie Hall!!

The three of them formed their own band, Kane Kubed, in 8th grade to help raise money for their trip to Carnegie Hall by busking (which is street performing).  They have been busking ever since as a way to earn money for various band trips, to put money aside for new instruments and also into their college funds.  They have their own facebook page if  you would like to follow them:  Kane Kubed

I would like to share some of their music with you.  Hope you enjoy and that it brings a smile to your face.  After all, that’s what music is all about!

It Takes a Village

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Something has gotten lost in the translation in our society over the years. There was a time when families, extended families, lived within close proximity of one another. Parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles all lived nearby. We knew our neighbors. We all helped each other out whether it be with raising the children, fixing the plumbing, raising the barn, sharing vegetables from our gardens, breaking bread together on a Sunday evening or just sitting on our neighbor’s front stoop chatting as the sun set. We talked and visited, we cried together, we offered support, we laughed, we shared.
Today everyone is spread out far and wide. We only come together for major occasions, if we’re lucky. If we are fortunate enough to live at least relatively close by, we are too wrapped up and consumed by our jobs and other commitments to activities that we don’t or won’t make time for each other. Maybe next week or over the summer or at the next holiday, then we will make time. Our families and our loved ones are our hearts yet we fail to recognize that or them and we give them our “leftovers”, only the time that is left over in our overly busy, constantly churning schedules. Maybe if we made spending time with our family and friends a priority we could recharge the love in our hearts, recharge our very essence because being with those whom we love and care about, with those who love and care about us would fill us with the energy of love and support that we need and crave to help pull us through the endless days of constantly going and running and working. 
We all know the saying, It takes a village” and I believe there is a great deal of truth in that. That saying usually is in reference to raising children, and that is spot on, but I think it can be expanded to all of us. We all need that village, that inner, close circle of folks who offer support and a helping hand and love and a listening ear. And that village needs to be through personal, face to face interaction, not through social media and electronics. We need and crave actual human interaction and touch, a hug, a pat on the back, a smile (not a smiley face emoji). Our villages are an integral part of who we are, an embodiment of our human nature, the very core of our families. Let’s make a concerted effort to recreate our villages, make that time a priority and strengthen our souls once again. 
© 2016 therealityofraisingafamily. All rights reserved.

The Spin Cycle of my Life

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I just need to find a way to slow down, to not feel this constant pressure of having ten million things to do. There may be the stray day here and there when it doesn’t seem quite so oppressive but that’s a rarity. My heart flutters with angst and honestly, terror. How to get it all done, where to find the time, how to breathe in the midst of it all and when, oh when will it stop? It’s the little things. It’s the big things. It’s all the things in between. The constant go and run and and hurry, faster and faster. I didn’t audition for the part of a juggler but somehow I got the job but I fall very short of living up to the demands of that position. I make the to do lists, I check things off, but as quickly as one thing is accomplished, two or three more are added. It’s never ending. Around and around and around she goes and where she’ll stop nobody knows. The definition of my life in the spin cycle.

 © 2016 therealityofraisingafamily. All rights reserved.

The Family Dinner Table

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For our grandparents, our parents and even for some of us who are a bit older, it used to be that this idea was a given. We all sat down together for dinner! What else were we supposed to do? Where else would we be? We probably did not realize how that time together was part of the glue, the very foundation that held our family life together. It was simply something we did every night after everyone was home from school and work. It was a part of our daily lives. A time to share and break bread and reflect together on the things that had taken place in each of our days.

Sadly, nowadays this is not a given. Of all times when this tradition should be vitally important, it is often ignored. In this modern age where we communicate so often through technology, be it cell phones, emails, social networking websites, etc., basic face to face, eye to eye, human contact is not experienced enough. But we are social creatures; we need, desire and crave that human touch, human interaction. We desire to look into someone else’s eyes and see their soul reflected there. It’s all well and good to express your feelings and talk about your day’s happenings in a quick post on Facebook or Twitter, but let’s be honest, are we completely honest in those posts? Do we really want to share with all those people our most intimate and private thoughts and feelings? I don’t think we do. And even if we do, something, by the very nature of such communication, gets lost in the translation. A smiley face cannot possibly express true, unabashed joy. In the same way, a sad face doesn’t express the true depth and breadth of sadness. Is it just a little ouch or is it gut wrenching sobs?

Who is better than your family to share these most honest feelings? Whether gathering around the dining room table or sitting on a blanket having a picnic, the mere act of sitting down with each other, passing the potatoes and breaking bread can be a healing part of our long, often arduous day. We can let our hair down, smile across the table at our spouse or children, refortify our beings-both physically and emotionally, by simply sharing that little half an hour together.

The key here is to do this without distractions such as a television or the interruption of phone calls — we turn our phones off during our meal. This is a time to focus on one another, on our family, to let each other know that the other people are more important to us than all those other things that so often clamor for our attention.

A dear friend told me a long time ago that one of the things that her grown children always reminisced about when they got together later in life was how important that family dinner time was to them in their memories. They recalled that how no matter how crazy their day had been, they knew that at dinner they would all gather and there would be someone there who cared about them and would listen to them.

Those are the types of things I hope my children remember most.

So often, we get caught up in thinking that what will matter most to our children when they are grown up and on their own will be their memories of material things we were able to give them. But when you think back on your childhood, do you remember what you got for your 12th birthday or do you remember the times you and your family were just hanging out, being together? Those happy and warm memories, they are the ones that fill you with those warm, fuzzy feelings of yesterday.

We all need a little time in our day to reconnect with other people. Life can get crazy busy, schedules often get so heavy we don’t know how to find the time, but let’s try to remember how important those face to face connections are, for ourselves as well as the loved ones in our lives, and make time on a more frequent basis, to sit down at the family dinner table together.

dinner 2

 © 2016 therealityofraisingafamily. All rights reserved.

Happy Mother’s Day to my Children

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To my wonderful children: Thank you for being my children and thank you for letting me be your momma. You are all my heart and soul, the essence of my being, my greatest joys. I can’t tell you how my heart soars when I hear your voices call me mom, momma, mommy. My deepest wish was always to be a mom and the five of you made that dream come true in such amazing ways. When you smile and laugh my heart soars. When you are sad and hurt, my soul yearns to erase any pain. Each of your accomplishments fills me immense pride.
Thank you, each of you, for allowing me to feel a love, every moment of every day, to nothing else can compare to, that fills my soul and brings me such joy.
I love you beyond measure, James, Meghan, Topher, TJ, Frankie!!!

Mother's day 2016

 © 2016 therealityofraisingafamily. All rights reserved.